I've still been crying a lot lately, but it's less and less because of being sick or frustrated or full of self-pity. I've been mostly crying because I am so touched and grateful that so many people have my back.
There were two things I really struggled with last time I was sick.
One was asking for help/letting people know that I was sick. I would push myself harder than I should have because I didn't want my friends to be burdened with how messed up I was. To be fair, most of the people I knew then were dumb kids. I mean, they were pretty smart, but they were also teenagers with no experience of the kind of life-changing tragedy and sickness I was face with. Also, I really wanted to be normal.
Two was a feeling of being isolated and very alone in what I was going through. I eventually found someone online with the same sick, around my same age, who got what I was going through. I still can talk to him if I need to, but now I have a peer group that has dealt with chronic illness and such life hardships.
Anyway, I just want to say thank you to everyone who has reached out, to everyone who is sending me good thoughts, positive vibes, prayers, whatever you're doing. I also know at this point how hard it is to sit idly by and watch a good friend suffer, so I am definitely more comfortable at this point asking for help.
Thank you all. You make my life much better.
Extra extra thanks to my mom who came over this week and cleaned my condo. It honestly was such an amazing thing to do!