I've written about it before a long time ago in a
When I was 17 I spent 10 days in the hospital. I was diagnosed (after three horrible days that belong on an episode of House) with Wegener's Granuomatosis (WG). I went through two years of treatment before remission. It derailed my entire life. I have post-traumatic stress about it (officially diagnosed btw).
Anyway, after 10+ years of remission, I'm 95% sure I'm having a relapse now. I have yet to see my rheumatologist, so it hasn't been officially confirmed yet; I have an appointment in mid October. I've had two non-rheumatologist doctors tell me it's a relapse though. So, I've given up hope that what's wrong with me can be anything else.
So. I'm very sick. Again. And I'm freaking out, because post-traumatic stress stuff mostly, I think.
The point I wanted to get to today though is that one of the things I regret most about when I was sick before is that I completely stopped writing in my journal. All through high school I religiously kept a journal. But I stopped writing in it about a month before my diagnosis (my last entry: "I'm so fucking sick of feeling so sick and tired") and didn't start up again until about 3 months after (dear diary, guess what?).
I have decided that this time I am going to write about it. There are several reasons I want to do this:
- I think it might be a story worth telling. There may be people out there who can relate, and need something like this to relate to.
- Forcing my shit into coherent thoughts and sentences that can be written down really helps me work through things.
- It's hard to talk about in real life, and especially in public (I'm likely to cry uncontrollably). If I can point people to this and say "hey, this is what's going on with me right now" that takes a huge burden off me. That said, I will make an effort to talk about it to friends and family because that's kind of important too.
- I know there are people who care about me who I am not going to be able to keep updated on everything that's happening. This is a place they can look.
I think a State of the Cassie Address is probably in order, but I think that should go in a separate post.